Length of Happiness is up to you

Right now I'm staring at my ceiling fan. I see I need to dust it the edges of the blades from the accumulated dust of summer. I don't want it to sprinkle onto me in the middle of the night when I turn it on again. Maybe I'll do it in a little bit.

I am thinking about those moments of happiness, those blissful moments given to us by God and how badly I want to hold onto it. But wanting to hold onto it means we aren't enjoying it fully since we're worried about the loss of it. If we wait to lose it, then we'll definitely lose it. This reminds me of something my brother told me a while ago when I was talking about how heartbroken I'll be when the day comes when my Papa Chepe is no longer with us, "If you keep worrying about that, then you'll never enjoy the days you do have with him." (I swear to you, my brother never ceases to amaze me)

God wants us to enjoy those moments of happiness, doesn't He? As it says in Zephaniah chapter 3 verse 17, "he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." When we are glad, God is glad. We are singing, dancing, rejoicing (or doing whatever else we do) in those moments of happiness. Admit it, we're quite the goofy bunch when we're undefinably happy (or at least I am - and my mom), don't worry about how long it'll last or when it'll be taken from you. I want to say "shame on me" for not allowing myself to be happy. It is something I've been struggling with for years because for years the enemy (who disguised himself as an alternate me) has been sneaking into my thoughts lies, telling me I didn't deserve to be happy or he'd take it away from as quick as it came. I know it in my heart, though, that God wants me to be happy. He quiets my mind, leaving me feeling light, weightless, no stress on in my body. Enjoying the joy, thankful for it, that's what He wants.

Yesterday I was recovering from a medical procedure my doctor felt I should have for my insides (because it's not a five star functioning system) and I received an email from the person I met with last week for an opportunity for a graphic design internship. I can't explain what it was that drew me to this, but I prayed to God that if this is right, if this is what He knows is best for me then I will commit myself to working hard for it. And lo, I was offered a 3 month internship. I'm still happy, squealing, and gushing over it, I'm bathing in that happiness. It is a quiet stillness that covers itself over my body.

Think about it: When you're happy, you deserve it.