Introduction

I have yet to figure out the scientific formula as to why whenever I listen to Daft Punk I always want to write something personal about my life and share it with the world so that they may judge me. For the past month Daft Punk just makes me want to spill my guts out to the world about my struggles, successes, pains, pleasures; other words that begin with S's and P's.

Here we are. Listening to "One More Time" as I type this introduction to whoever dares to read my musings. I'm sorry, I'm a bit of a goof and I tend to write how I feel as I feel it.

How do I feel about this? Well, I feel like this is the right thing to do right now. I have been unemployed for over a year. I have had two small job positions since I have graduated college in May 2012. As thankful as I am for those opportunities last year, I wish I were doing something more with my life. I find myself identifying my job position as Constant Job Seeker. It's exhausting. I am convinced writing cover letters is equivalent to giving away pieces of your soul.

I have written countless of cover letters to various job positions statewide, and nationwide. It gets more depressing as I write each letter. I have written in an enthusiastic format, hopelessly begging for the job position, to straight up pleading and reassuring the employer I would be a great addition to their team. I am literally prostituting myself to the masses. To the human resource department individual who probably snacks on a Butterfinger while laughing at my letter with their mouth full, crumbs flying everywhere. It is an embarrassing thing to do. It hurts.

Unfortunately it is something I have to accept. There will be and always have been other people out there who are more qualified for the job position than I am. What upsets me the most is that these are usually entry-level positions (positions that ask for five years of experience. Wasn't college enough experience?) and yet they do not want to give it to the ridiculously, job hungry college summa cum laude graduate. I pray for the opportunity to work, as well as wonder why they won't give me the chance. The more people that push me away, the more rejections, the more my self-esteem crumbles to becoming nothing but Butterfinger crumbs on a keyboard. I become nothing. My unemployment months expand to years to more unexperienced.

I am beginning to believe that employers enjoy tormenting graduates. I was a hard-working student in college. Busting my ass because I wasn't one of those students that wrote an 8 page paper two days before the due date. I didn't have the natural intelligence as other students did. I envy those people. They somehow have jobs. The bullshitters always succeed, remember that. Or, at least, it feels that way. I don't have anything against the bullshitters, they're great, but they are such good sweet talkers. I fumble during an interview. Perhaps I should have studied bullshitting in college. I missed something, didn't I?

After countless of thousands of dollars, I am here, writing this to you. Thinking of the loan I have to pay soon for my wonderful education, reminding myself to email someone again about a job, missing the classroom of a professor or two; sitting, becoming nothing, doing nothing: I am nothing.

Luckily, I am not nothing. I have had an interesting year of unemployment. Perhaps my skills are wasting away but I feel more alive than ever. I am awake to experiencing new things. This has actually been an exciting year for me. Despite the fact that I have no jobs offers or the fact that I feel dread whenever I look for jobs, I feel great about who I am. I have ideas of what I want to do with my life. Sometimes I want to go to grad school for writing or film (although I didn't do too well in my one film class, oops) or go travel and photograph. I want something more with my life. I am still mustering the courage to do so. I'll get there. It's a slow process, one I have loved watching myself growing from. This is exciting, isn't it?