I am a sister and daughter, a granddaughter (to my one and only grandpa, Papa Chepe, who I consider to be my other father), as well as niece and cousin. The list could go on because my family is extensive. However, as I've gotten older I realize although we share an ancestry, I don't feel a connection to the majority of my family.
I don't make much of an effort, anymore, to get to know the rest of my family. As reluctant as I am to write this, I know it to be helpful to express it (at least, it does to me). After completing college to being in this sort of limbo, not knowing what or when my next job could be, I had time to think of my family. Who I am to them and who they are to me.
Traditionally, the majority of us grow up with the image that family is our blood relations. Your mom's and dad's siblings and their families are your family. There is truth in this but I know for a fact that family is also the friendships we make, the ones we want to hold onto.
Last week I got together with a friend, who's also friend's with my brother (my brother was present when this conversation took place), and we talked about family. My friend Damon told me he thinks family doesn't stop at just blood ties, but expands to the meaningful relationships we've develop over time. We are born into families and we grow into families. I agree with this thought. If we think about it, we are all children of God, therefore we are all related (that's if you think of the larger image here).
I feel the size of my family has grown, in meaningfulness, as well as it shrunk in numbers (in regards to my blood tied family members), unfortunately. I believe we are part of two sets of families: the one we're born into and the family we make as we grow older into our own identities. I have family who have known me since I was born, friends who've known me since a young age, I've finally accepted the hard truth that they don't really know me. This is all okay with me now (though still sad), because I know who I've become. I am not just my brother's sister or my parent's daughter; I'm a person with my own sets of beliefs, values, likes/dislikes, and many other beautiful, complicated things that make me who I am. Thankfully, I've become part of a family who has accepted me wholeheartedly (at least, I'm pretty sure they do).
This all means so much to me, family matters. For years I was feeling neglected, left alone by my own family (this could also be my own fault since I've stopped reaching out to them, along with caring to). I don't think they, or I (this is debatable) mean to do it on purpose, to go on with their lives without me in it (or me in theirs), but we drift apart. None of this is ever intentional, I'm sure, I don't think we just stop caring for one another, but life goes on whether we like it or not. Becoming our own persons from who we were in childhood and teen years shaped who we were as our families children. Transferring that into who we've grown into as adults is something to think about.
The close friendships I've developed, the vulnerability I've allowed for myself, even if it's just temporary, to experience and open doors for these new people to enter my life has really affected me. I may not be able to see all of my blood-related family as often as I wish (the very large number of them), but I have a nice, small, intimate family of friends who have welcomed me into their lives. It isn't obligation anymore because of blood ties or forced politeness, but acceptance of the heart. A connection with others; a deeper, meaningful relationship forming with these individuals who want to get to know me, who know me better than those who've known me longest. I am beginning to feel like I have a family, finally. I mourn the family that I don't know so well anymore (or understand for that matter, at times I question them), but I raise my arms in joy of the family who have granted me the privilege and honor of getting to know them, strengthening our friendship.
It's a sad thought, but a beautiful realization of truth.
I feel the size of my family has grown, in meaningfulness, as well as it shrunk in numbers (in regards to my blood tied family members), unfortunately. I believe we are part of two sets of families: the one we're born into and the family we make as we grow older into our own identities. I have family who have known me since I was born, friends who've known me since a young age, I've finally accepted the hard truth that they don't really know me. This is all okay with me now (though still sad), because I know who I've become. I am not just my brother's sister or my parent's daughter; I'm a person with my own sets of beliefs, values, likes/dislikes, and many other beautiful, complicated things that make me who I am. Thankfully, I've become part of a family who has accepted me wholeheartedly (at least, I'm pretty sure they do).
This all means so much to me, family matters. For years I was feeling neglected, left alone by my own family (this could also be my own fault since I've stopped reaching out to them, along with caring to). I don't think they, or I (this is debatable) mean to do it on purpose, to go on with their lives without me in it (or me in theirs), but we drift apart. None of this is ever intentional, I'm sure, I don't think we just stop caring for one another, but life goes on whether we like it or not. Becoming our own persons from who we were in childhood and teen years shaped who we were as our families children. Transferring that into who we've grown into as adults is something to think about.
The close friendships I've developed, the vulnerability I've allowed for myself, even if it's just temporary, to experience and open doors for these new people to enter my life has really affected me. I may not be able to see all of my blood-related family as often as I wish (the very large number of them), but I have a nice, small, intimate family of friends who have welcomed me into their lives. It isn't obligation anymore because of blood ties or forced politeness, but acceptance of the heart. A connection with others; a deeper, meaningful relationship forming with these individuals who want to get to know me, who know me better than those who've known me longest. I am beginning to feel like I have a family, finally. I mourn the family that I don't know so well anymore (or understand for that matter, at times I question them), but I raise my arms in joy of the family who have granted me the privilege and honor of getting to know them, strengthening our friendship.
It's a sad thought, but a beautiful realization of truth.
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