We used to paint these mental images of who we were going to be when we grew up. The picture we created as children of what our adult lives could turn into. I imagined I'd be married after graduating college, becoming a teacher, and living in a nice house, eating only hashbrown and spaghetti. That did not happen.
I realized I do not have the patience to deal with children or teenagers, so I did want to teach. I also have not married anyone either because my last serious relationship ended in the middle of college. It was unnecessarily difficult. Suffocating me, keeping me caged (caged bird, get it?). I don't want to be eating only hashbrown and spaghetti since my food palette has evolved since I was six years old, but I still want some kind of happy ending. I still daydream of the possibilities that could take place in my life. I'm only twenty-three, my life isn't over (although my ten year old self would think I was really old and be amazed that I still have no clue what to do with my life. I'm sorry ten year old self). It's just beginning, in fact.
I do find it a bit ridiculous that as we age from ten to twenty we have to start making real-life decisions for ourselves. You can no longer create bullet-point lists as to what you want to be in life like you did in grade school. You're being tested into career categories where you can apply your skills to a specific job area. Every choice you make defines you. It's silly. So if I am actually decent in biology I have to become a marine biologist? Or if I'm interested in art I could use that to become an architect. I'm not saying these are bad careers to get into, but the idea is silly to me. What if I like writing and sketching and marine biology? What if I enjoy reading books and watching movies, as well as studying politics? We have so many interests that create the individual in us but the universe seems to want to pull us from both sides and choose a specific course.
Since I have graduated college I still do not know what I want to do, specifically, with my life. I'm an artistic person, I express myself creatively, so the obvious choice was that I become a photographer full-time or graphic designer. I don't actually want to do be those things, though. I love photography. I have been photographing since I was fourteen and I have progressed as a photographer, photographing what I love. I capture moments and share them. Many people who know me love that I can capture a moment. There is feeling in my photos. As much as I love these compliments and joy photography brings me, I do not want to be a full-time photographer only. I love photographing, but I love writing as well. I enjoy writing short stories, creating characters, writing dialog, occasionally writing a few pages for a script. Should I be only a writer (not a bad idea, actually)? Then there is social media, which has become my greatest interest since I completed my studies (you think it'd be easier to find a job in social media, but it's actually quite competitive). Why are we forced to limit ourselves? Why can't we try to achieve everything? Better question: Why aren't we encouraged to want everything we want?
I want to continue photographing, designing, sketching, writing, reading, watching films, and exploring new social media formats. I don't want to stop one interest for another. Which is sad, really, because a few jobs I have interviewed for asked me, "Would you be willing to give up photography for this position?" Give up? Why do I have to give up something I am passionate about because this one job position doesn't involve in much photography? They saw it on my face that I wasn't going to (it's also unfair that they asked me this question because my face will immediately answer their question before my mouth does). I even told them that just because I'd be working there doesn't mean I'd stop photographing on the weekends or something. Maybe that's why they wouldn't give me the job. Corporate wanted me to give up one passion to focus solely on another. I love social media, but if I can't have photography then I know I wouldn't be able to fully be myself. It's like surrendering the largest chunk of my soul.
Remember when you were a kid and every other day you'd change your dream job from teacher to doctor to scientist to dancer to Hollywood movie star? Why do I have to change my passion of photography to only social media? I need art in my life. Art is in the photos I take, the films I watch, the characters I read about it. I can't just shut down one category of art to please or fulfill the function of a job position. This is possibly why no one will hire me because I do not want to do it. I can't help it. I want to keep everything in my life somehow (and it's a little absurd to ask if I'd be willing to give up something for a job. Does that person really think I could continue being creative if I just eliminate that from my life?).
I have encouraged myself to dream. I was practically a robot in college. I studied hard, went to all my classes, I was on time. I was the perfect student, in my mind. After receiving my degree and month after month of job searching I realized that I do not have to limit myself to what I got my degree in. I had a professor in college, he was an English professor, who probably didn't know it at the time, encouraged me to do whatever makes me happy. That I should do whatever makes me happy in life. I still do not know what I exactly want to be but I know what makes me happy. I love holding a DSLR, creating designs or being inspired by others creative works, writing nonsense, sketching lines, keeping up to date on the social networking, and watching movies I've been meaning to watch and finally getting around to. Not just one specialty makes me happy. I see no reason why I have to box in one happiness when I can have an infinite amount of joy from everything else.
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